I was days into my research before I finally found a clue. In an obscure document on the website of the International House of Pancakes Corporation there was a hint that the dark breakfast had been made. IHOP omelettes include pancake batter. While I cannot place IHOP omelettes exactly on the map, by interpolating between pancakes and omelettes, we can bound where they must occur, and confirm that the manifold possibilities do indeed pass through the Dark Breakfast Abyss.
We do not know why the Dark Breakfast Abyss is empty. But by anthropic reasoning, we should conclude that it is empty for good reason. The International House of Pancakes is playing a dangerous game. If someday a remote IHOP splashes a little too much batter in their omelette, cooks the Forbidden Breakfast, and thereby brings about the end of the world, well, at least we know the Waffle House will be open.
For other breakfast scholars who wish to further my study, I offer my data and code. If you are so foolhardy that you wish to explore the bounds of dark breakfast yourself, the recipe is as follows:
Dark Breakfast
Ingredients:
- ¼ cup Milk
- 4 Eggs
- ½ cup Flour
Instructions: Unknown
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.
H.P. Lovecraft – The Call of Cthulhu
