I don’t know what caused this, but I’m sure it’s painful. You have my sympathy.

I’ve come to a belief that emotions are a result of evolution. We have evolved drives to avoid death. And since humans get sick and injured, we can avoid death if we have the help of other humans to feed and protect ourselves. Being alone risks death. And our emotions have been evolved a drive that makes loneliness feel like a life-and-death situation.

So, feeling awful when alone is natural. I know that’s little immediate comfort, but it does give direction.

If you fear physical safety, you can get a dog for protection, train in martial arts (I like boxing), and get stronger. Or fortify your house/room.

If you fear being sick or injured, you can stockpile food and medicine.

And make friends.

If you want friends to protect you, find people who do protection everyday. Help a police charity. Go to a gym and meet buff people. Make friends at a group martial arts class. These protectors are usually men. If you’re scared of a particular group of people, go meet and talk to them - you may find they are less scary than you think.

If you want friends to take care of you when you’re sick or injured, find people who do this everyday. Nurses, social workers, etc. Volunteer with churches. Volunteer with food banks or meals on wheels. These helpers are usually women.

Meeting neighbors is good for both of these categories. Have a grill night and invite neighbors. I also like the idea of going to a coworking location, because you might find people similar to yourself and that makes the easiest connections.

Best of luck, Mike

I lived in NYC for a decade. This is very true on the street, but less true waiting in a subway station, and even less true in a neighborhood bar. The more public, there is a “market for lemons” effect in conversation. The more it resembles a private club or a group suffering a common injustice, the more reliably good the conversation is. A crowd on an MTA platform where a train hasn’t shown up in 50 minutes can get pretty chatty.

> How do you know what to say?, usually I can start the conversation but I don’t know where to take it after. Some ideas: Ask what they’re passionate about. Talk about what you’re passionate about. Say you’re trying to improve yourself and ask if there is anything they’ve learned lately about life that you should know. Ask for their advice/opinion on a recent problem you’ve faced or something that surprised you recently.

>How do you get over the feeling that you are wasting their time? First, hold up a mirror: do you feel your time is wasted when someone talks to you? Second, everyone benefits from bonds and talking enables trust. Even if the relationship is temporary, it brings comfort. Think of two people at an airport going out on different planes. Even a short conversation with someone makes them trust enough to let the other watch their heavy luggage while they go to the bathroom.

>Finally, how do you end the conversation when you're still going in the same direction or waiting at the same place? Yeah, this is always a little awkward. You can just say something like “It’s been nice talking to you. I’m going to go back to reading my book.” Sometimes I’ll make a polite fib like saying I’ve got to think about an important presentation or have some pressing emails that I need to read.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don%27t_be_evil

I just installed Arch (EndeavourOS) and LLM did not help. The problems were new and the LLM’s answers were out-of-date. I wasted about 5 hours. Arch’s wiki and EndeavourOS’s forums were much better. YMMV